ok ok, maybe not quite HILARIOUS per say, but they put a smile on my face ^^ lol

~Marriage is the only war where you sleep with the enemy.
- Gary Busey

~Bowling balls are like whores
you pick them up and finger them
throw them into the gutter
and they come back for more..

~An apple a day keeps the docter away
but if the doctors cute screw the fruit.

~Your so stupid that you got stabbed in a shoot out..

~Studying: take the S-T-U off and it’s just dying.

~Don’t hit kids seriously they have guns now!

~I am an excellent housekeeper. Every time I get a divorce, I keep the house.

~There are three kinds of lies: lies, damned lies, and statistics.

~We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.
- Robin Williams

~I have lots of ideas. Trouble is, most of them suck.
- George Carlin

~Golf is a good walk spoiled.
- Mark Twain

~His mouth is a no-go area. It’s like kissing the Berlin Wall

~I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn’t it.

~I feel so miserable without you; it’s almost like having you here.

~He’s so ugly they ought to donate his face to the world wildlife fund.